i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
