I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
