I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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