so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You can't just leave with hair like that
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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