If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
