you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
