it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
