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One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
