I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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