Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
