The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
