Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize