just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
