is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
