Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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