You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
