she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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