toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.