i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
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They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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