dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.