i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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