He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
