I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
