he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
