Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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