They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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