i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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