you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
