dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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