i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
