Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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