i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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