You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
