3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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