I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
