Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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