Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
