Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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