I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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