No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
