Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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