my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
