My friends, they love my intelligence
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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