apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
