my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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