i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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