Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
