3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
