so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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