He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
