Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize