i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
