Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
