I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
