so explain again why im purple
no
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
