hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
