he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
