What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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