I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
