is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
