I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's never too late to be topless.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
