Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
