I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
