I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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