I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You pole danced in your parka.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
