Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
