i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
