I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
