How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
