false alarm. still invincible.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now