Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
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My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated