I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..