the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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